The Storybook of Misused Words (Part Two)

I forgot to blog last week.

I had a deadline, and my grandma came to visit (which was wonderful), and blog posts were the last thing on my mind.

Instead, I played this card game from Atlas Games:

The rules say that winning in one round is incredibly rare and unlikely (and if you've played it before, you'll know why), so of course, that is what my grandmother does the very first time she plays.

I guess I'll just have to write two posts this week. For now, here's another tale from

The Storybook of Misused Words

"An Intense Story of Somber Purpose," 

or "The Difference Between 'For All Intents and Purposes' and 'For All Intensive Purposes'"

"What are you doing?" the gardener said, as the pixies giggled and tore the roses to pieces.

"Why are you eating that?" he demanded, as trolls gnawed on his wheelbarrow till the wheel was quite crooked.

But the trolls and the pixies continued to destroy his garden and his tools.

"Why won't anyone listen?" gardener moaned. "For all intents and purposes, I might as well be speaking to myself."

Later that day, as he wandered through town looking for pixie repellent and a new wheelbarrow, he stumbled across an unusual shop. The sign read: "Dunne, Dunne, & DUNNE Modifiers: For All Intensive Purposes."

Immediately, the gardener hurried inside and bought several intensive word forms, including some that were quite strange and rare.

When he returned to the garden, he shouted one of his new modifiers at the pixies, "What in tarnation do you think you are doing?!"

And the pixies faltered a little.

So he threw out at the trolls: "How in the Sweet William am I supposed to work if you keep eating the wheelbarrow?"

And then: "Why the Weeping Willow won't you leave?" Followed by "Who the Monkey Puzzle Tree do you think you are?!"

And under this onslaught of strange modifiers, the pixies and trolls fled.

"That was intense," said one fleeing troll to a pixie.

"I think," replied the pixie, "that was the intent."

The Storybook of Misused Words

I have been absolutely swamped all week, and I've just emerged from the comma mines to see that I'm late with my weekly blog post.

So here's my version of the handwave-y "I haven't had time to blog" blog post.

From The Storybook of Misused Words

 "A Story about the Difference Between Weary and Wary"

The goose-girl standing by the lake, trying to catch a glimpse of the Fish Prince, was wary of the nearby huntsman holding a giant ax above his head. But the huntsman was weary. His arms were very tired from holding the giant ax.

“My, what a big ax you have,” said the goose-girl, warily.

“All the better to. . . .” began the huntsman wearily before stopping himself. “No. Actually, a tree sprite cursed me to carry the ax like this until people on the Internet learn the difference between words.”

"How wearisome," said the goose-girl.

"Yes, I will beware of all such creatures in future," said the huntsmen, as he stepped into a wherry and rowed away.

 

Writers' Name Resources

I've just made my way through Clans and Families of Ireland: The Heritage and Heraldry of Irish Clans and Families by John Grenham, which, besides being a good, basic guide to Irish surnames, is also a "pretty" book: full of photos of the Isle and drawings of coats of arms. (I love coats of arms with strange things on them. A cross and a red hand: okay. A cross, a red hand, AND a gold hedgehog standing on a unicorn: perfection.)

This made me think of other name books I've read. When I was younger, I used to spend days going through Best Baby Name Book In The Whole World by Bruce Lansky (possibly still my favorite baby name book).




Then I'd have huge lists of characters with amazing, meaningful names, who I'd never write any stories about. (Plot wasn't my strong point.) When I started writing stories on a deadline, I'd tack "temporary" names onto my characters, hoping to come up with something more purposeful later. Eventually, I'd turn the stories in with the temporary names still in place.

But I'm easing my way back into name-meanings--not just the literal definitions of characters' names, but the cultural connotations too. (For example, in Susan Glaspell's play The Verge, the main character has relationships with three different men--Harry Archer, Richard Demming, and Tom Edgeworthy--they become "every Tom, Dick, and Harry," a sort of Greek chorus for the socially acceptable.)

Literal name definitions, however, still fascinate me, and I've collected a handful of baby name books. I thought I'd see if anyone had a favorite name book or website that he/she'd recommend. Suggestions?

(Images from BooksUlster.com and Mommie Books.)

What's Wrong with Puns?

Remember that article I linked to on puns in March? Well, here's another one, this time defending puns and questioning why Americans hate them so much.

I don't know. I like puns (though some of my Dad's puns... heaven help us). And I seem to be surrounded by them: puns appear in the comics, in book titles, newspaper headlines, e-mail forwards, and restaurant names (i.e. Thai One On). If Americans hate puns, then we sure are a masochistic society.

I think we're both addicted to puns and ashamed of our addiction. Is this dislike a mild sort of classism? Most puns can be understood by anyone who speaks the language, so they're a populist form of humor, linked to "lowbrow," commercial texts.

Of course, specialty shops continue to sell t-shirts, mugs, and tote bags adorned with jokes for their niche market. Is my Dad's t-shirt with the ancient mathematician and the slogan "Here's looking at Euclid" a more acceptable form of humor than your garden variety pun? Or just as groaning-inducing?

Thoughts?

In Defense of Strunk and White

I was going to let the fiftieth anniversary of Strunk and White's The Elements of Style slip by without comment, but then I stumbled on this article by Mark Garvey. As much as I enjoy Language Log's embrace of the complexity of English, I'm happy to see someone call Geoffrey Pullman on his disproportionate hatred of this slim writing handbook.

I have not used Elements of Style in a long time--my dip into the editing arena made me a Chicago Manual of Style girl (another book Language Log doesn't love)--but I still keep a copy on my shelf. I know there are better books on English grammar available. But for nervous writers just dipping a toe into the murky waters of English usage, there are very few volumes as concise, affordable, and (most importantly) non-scary as Elements of Style.

(Image from Better Know a Book.)

Insert Bad Joke Here

I hope to have some real posts up by the end of the week, but for now, enjoy (or suffer through) this article on puns.

Victor Borge Plays with the English Language

I watched the Victor Borge special on PBS last week, and I was wondering, On Monday, should I link to a clip of Borge's phonetic punctuation or one of his inflationary language routine?

The answer, obviously, was yes.

The Reading Habits of TV Ad Characters, Or More Silliness

Have you seen this Mirena commercial?

I actually have nothing to say about the product being promoted (leave it to an English major to go for the peripherals)...

But the line "In five years... finish a book" always jars me. I know she's busy with her promotion, soccer coaching, kids, etc. and that a lot of people don't read as much as I do (i.e. have a social life), but she had time to learn French and an Associated Press-Ipsos poll suggests that the average American claimed to have read four books in 2006. I guess I'm surprised because commercials tend to aim for the "average" viewer. I hope she wasn't reading the one book over the whole course of the five years because she's really not going to remember what was in the first chapter by the time she gets to the end. Then again, maybe she's reading Ulysses and she can't remember the previous sentence by the time she gets to the next one... *sympathetic groan*

Of course, the wording is probably just to parallel the language of that final "...finish a sentence." I'm sure she's finished several sentences over the course of five years. But the singular "finish a book" preceded by other one-time actions (I assume she only moves to Memphis once) still sounds like it's implying that this is the one book she's finished in five years.

Of course, a couple online commentators thought she was implying that she had finished writing and publishing a book. In which case: *envious groan*

In Praise of Procrastination

I'm acutely aware of the lack of content/punctuality in my recent posts, but even with a fresh Monday in front of me, I don't really feel like blogging. Fortunately, today I found an article on how the connotations of the word procrastination have changed over time, and why procrastination may be a good thing.

I don't completely believe it, but I believe it just enough to put off writing a real blog post till tomorrow.

Thoughts on Random Words, or Yes, My Brain has Melted; Thank You for Asking

I couldn't decide if it was worse not to blog or to subject everyone else to my current state of mind...

I'm sure I'm not the only word-lover who finds herself falling in love with a different word each week. I was very disappointed when it struck me yesterday that I would never be able to refer to myself as "just a bloke who [fill-in the blank]." Never. There is no female equivalent to the word bloke, or if there is, I'm sure it doesn't trip off the tongue so lightly.

Also, I will never be knighted--partially because I'm not male and partially because I'm not British. (Speaking of which, I'm not sure I've ever heard an American say bloke.) But supposing I, oh, suddenly woke up British tomorrow and then happened to do something really noteworthy, the best I could hope for is to be made a dame, which really just sounds like something out of a PI novel (i.e. "Then this dame burst in. I could tell she was trouble from the way she was swinging her Order of the British Empire around"). Not that special. On the positive side, I can't find any evidence that the British actually refer to the bestowing of this honor as being "damed," which is a relief.

P.S. The refuge of the lazy blogger, Wikipedia, informs me that I don't have to wake up British tomorrow to in order to receive an honorary knight-, er, dame-hood.

Also, I may have watched just a little too much of PBS' Monarchy: The Royal Family at Work this week.