The Storybook of Misused Words (Part Two)

I forgot to blog last week.

I had a deadline, and my grandma came to visit (which was wonderful), and blog posts were the last thing on my mind.

Instead, I played this card game from Atlas Games:

The rules say that winning in one round is incredibly rare and unlikely (and if you've played it before, you'll know why), so of course, that is what my grandmother does the very first time she plays.

I guess I'll just have to write two posts this week. For now, here's another tale from

The Storybook of Misused Words

"An Intense Story of Somber Purpose," 

or "The Difference Between 'For All Intents and Purposes' and 'For All Intensive Purposes'"

"What are you doing?" the gardener said, as the pixies giggled and tore the roses to pieces.

"Why are you eating that?" he demanded, as trolls gnawed on his wheelbarrow till the wheel was quite crooked.

But the trolls and the pixies continued to destroy his garden and his tools.

"Why won't anyone listen?" gardener moaned. "For all intents and purposes, I might as well be speaking to myself."

Later that day, as he wandered through town looking for pixie repellent and a new wheelbarrow, he stumbled across an unusual shop. The sign read: "Dunne, Dunne, & DUNNE Modifiers: For All Intensive Purposes."

Immediately, the gardener hurried inside and bought several intensive word forms, including some that were quite strange and rare.

When he returned to the garden, he shouted one of his new modifiers at the pixies, "What in tarnation do you think you are doing?!"

And the pixies faltered a little.

So he threw out at the trolls: "How in the Sweet William am I supposed to work if you keep eating the wheelbarrow?"

And then: "Why the Weeping Willow won't you leave?" Followed by "Who the Monkey Puzzle Tree do you think you are?!"

And under this onslaught of strange modifiers, the pixies and trolls fled.

"That was intense," said one fleeing troll to a pixie.

"I think," replied the pixie, "that was the intent."

The Storybook of Misused Words

I have been absolutely swamped all week, and I've just emerged from the comma mines to see that I'm late with my weekly blog post.

So here's my version of the handwave-y "I haven't had time to blog" blog post.

From The Storybook of Misused Words

 "A Story about the Difference Between Weary and Wary"

The goose-girl standing by the lake, trying to catch a glimpse of the Fish Prince, was wary of the nearby huntsman holding a giant ax above his head. But the huntsman was weary. His arms were very tired from holding the giant ax.

“My, what a big ax you have,” said the goose-girl, warily.

“All the better to. . . .” began the huntsman wearily before stopping himself. “No. Actually, a tree sprite cursed me to carry the ax like this until people on the Internet learn the difference between words.”

"How wearisome," said the goose-girl.

"Yes, I will beware of all such creatures in future," said the huntsmen, as he stepped into a wherry and rowed away.